Einstein once remarked: “Two things in the universe are infinite in quantity: the universe
and human stupidity and I am not sure about the universe.”
In this country there are now 12 million dogs. Brexit has seen off immigrants from the EU
and we have replaced those invaluable workers (who are now greatly missed from our
economy) with totally useless dogs.
At between 1 and 6 bowel movements per day, those mutts release an estimated 8.4 metric
tonnes of shit per day nationwide, although I swear most of it is dropped in Chislehurst.
As I get towards the end of a litter collection, my sack stinks to high heaven and passers-by
look at me distastefully.
The biggest growth industries are now the breeding of dogs, the selling of dog food, veterinary
care, kennelling and dog-walking.
This morning, 7th October, on the narrow pavement of Royal Parade, there was a hold-up of
pedestrians and baby buggies by a dog walker with no fewer than 4 mutts on leads. These
are now kings of the pavement; one has to divert into the road, in order not to hamper the
royal progress.
Dog-keeping etiquette has gone by the board. Poo-bags are now thrown into the
undergrowth as of old, or left at the edge of the pavement, or placed atop a wall, or stuffed
into street litter bins, causing legitimate litter to spill out on to the ground. Some dog
owners consider it sufficient to have their mutt shit at the edge of the pavement or
woodland footpath; there being no need to pick it up. This is an offence in law, but they
know they will get away with it.
People now working from home have gone in for dogs in a big way, so that they can enjoy
the benefit of walking their pets. The idiots then employ dog-walkers.
Where’s the sense in that?
Don’t bother looking for it; there is no sense in that. The people are barmy.
You see them fondling their mutts like babies. And they expect their dogs to be admitted
into pubs and coffee shops. Before long you will see signs outside restaurants saying: “dogs
welcome”.
Bring me my shield of burning gold. Bring me my arrows of desire and I will spear as many as
possible in protecting England’s green and pleasant land.
I will not hide behind anonymity. I expect a backlash from the army of the barmy. My name
is Colin Yardley and my email address is: darwinc@ntlworld.com
