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| 24 hours? Only if you like being served through a letterbox |
We've been working late at the office recently and this evening managed to run out of coffee. Never mind, a quick trip to M & S ("open 24 hours") will sort us out. We could also do with some cereal and chocolate. We sent our youngest member; his twenty minute trip took well over forty. When he returned he had a story to tell.
"As I approached the door, one of the attendants pulled down the shutter and said, 'We're closed.'
'I thought you were open 24 hours?'
'No, we're closed.'
'I only want a jar of coffee.'
'You can ask at the counter,' the counter being that thing like you get in the bank when you are speaking to a cashier, only you're outside.
I queued up behind a couple of ladies, the first of whom wanted to buy twenty Silk Cut. I only know this because the attendant couldn't turn his microphone off so the conversation was booming around the forecourt. When it finally came to my turn I asked for the coffee.
'No, not a cup of coffee, a jar.' Off the attendant went once more to fetch it. He returned.
'Which one?'
'I don't care, just not decaf.'
He went off again and returned with the coffee. I then had a similar experience with the cereal and then the chocolate. It appeared that the other two attendants that were there when I arrived had gone home. This guy was left on his own going backwards and forwards sorting out my three items. ('This one?' 'No.' This one?' 'No.' and so on.) I gave up with the chocolate when he asked me what size I wanted. ('I don't know - I just want to look at it, touch it, see what the price is, and decide.')
As I was paying I asked him what time the shop closed.
'10pm'
'And it opens?'
'5am.'
'So you're not open 24 hours?'
'Yes. We can get you what you need.'
I paid and turned to leave. This is a busy petrol station even at 10pm and my episode with the attendant had resulted in a queue building up of seven people! Next time you want me to buy cereal for breakfast, just get up early. Anyway, I shrugged my shoulders at the queue and apologised. However, they all knew what had been going on as my conversation had been bouncing around the forecourt like a voice from outer space.
'You think you're sorry, mate,' said one of the guys in the queue, 'my wife's given me a complete shopping list.'"
So, unless you want to engage the services of a not-very-personal shopper, and hack off all the petrol buyers at the same time, don't go to Simply Food between 10pm and 5am. In the meantime, roll on M & S in Chislehurst Library - though that'll probably be "closed Wednesdays."
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